I was really into becoming a Muslim. I came to this site to find out how to become Muslim, on doing so I found out alot about the religion I never knew before, and it's kind of disturbing and almost a let down. I'm sorry I feel like that but it's true. One of the things that bother me is the polygamy thing, I would like to know where it addresses that in the Holy Qu'ran, please try to give me tips on how to live like that and remain sane?
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah concluded His Message to mankind with the religion of
Islam, and He tells us that He will not accept any religion other than that.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):“And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will
never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers”[Aal ‘Imraan 3:85]
Your backing away from the religion of Islam is considered to
be a loss for you, and a loss of the happiness that awaited you, had you
entered Islam. You should hasten to enter Islam, and beware of delaying, for
that delay may lead to regrettable consequences.With regard to what you mention about the reason for your
backing off being the idea of plural marriage [polygamy or polygyny], we
will present to you the ruling on plural marriage in Islam, and then the
wisdom and noble purposes behind it.1 – The ruling on plural marriage in Islam:
The shar’i text which permits plural marriage is:
Allaah says in His Holy Book (interpretation of the
meaning):“And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly
with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three,
or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with
them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is
nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”[al-Nisa’ 4:3]
This is a Qur’aanic text which shows that plural marriage is
allowed. According to Islamic sharee’ah, a man is permitted to marry one,
two, three or four wives, in the sense that he may have this number of wives
at one time. It is not permissible for him to have more than four. This was
stated by the mufassireen (commentators on the Qur’aan) and fuqaha’
(jurists), and there is consensus among the Muslims on this point, with no
differing opinions.It should be noted that there are conditions attached to
plural marriage:1 – Justice or fairness.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly
(with them), then only one”[al-Nisa’ 4:3]
This aayah is indicates that just treatment is a condition
for plural marriage to be permitted. If a man is afraid that he will not be
able to treat his wives justly if he marries more than one, then it is
forbidden for him to marry more than one. What is meant by the justice that
is required in order for a man to be permitted to have more than one wife is
that he should treat his wives equally in terms of spending, clothing,
spending the night with them and other material things that are under his
control.With regard to justice or fairness in terms of love, he is
not held accountable for that, and that is not required of him because he
has no control over that. This is what is meant by the verse,“You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives
even if it is your ardent desire”[al-Nisa’ 4:129 – interpretation of the meaning].
2 – The ability to spend on one’s wives:
The evidence for this condition is the verse:
“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage
keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty”[al-Noor 24:33 – interpretation of the meaning]
In this verse Allaah commands those who are able to get
married but cannot find the financial means, to remain chaste. One such
example is not having enough money to pay the mahr (dowry) and not being
able to spend on one’s wife. (al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar’ah, part
6, p. 286).2 – The wisdom behind permitting plural marriage
1 – Plural marriage helps to increase the numbers of the
ummah (nation, Muslim community). It is known that the numbers can only be
increased through marriage, and the number of offspring gained through
plural marriage will be greater than that achieved through marriage to one
wife.Wise people know that increasing the number of offspring will
strengthen the ummah and increase the number of workers in it, which will
raise its economic standard – if the leaders run the affairs of state well
and make use of its resources in a proper manner. Ignore the claims of those
who say that increasing the numbers of human beings poses a danger to the
earth’s resources which are insufficient, for Allaah the Most Wise Who has
prescribed plural marriage has guaranteed to provide provision for His
slaves and has created on earth what is more than sufficient for them.
Whatever shortfall exists is due to the injustice of administrations,
governments and individuals, and due to bad management. Look at China, for
example, the greatest nation on earth as far as number of inhabitants is
concerned, and it is regarded as one of the strongest nations in the world,
and other nations would think twice before upsetting China; it is also one
of the great industrialized nations. Who would dare think of attacking
China, I wonder? And why?2 – Statistics show that the number of women is greater than
the number of men; if each man were to marry just one woman, this would mean
that some women would be left without a husband, which would have a harmful
effect on her and on society:The harmful effect is that she would never find a husband to
take care of her interests, to give her a place to live, to spend on her, to
protect her from haraam desires, and to give her children to bring her joy.
This may lead to deviance and going astray, except for those on whom Allaah
has mercy.With regard to the harmful effects on society, it is well
known that this woman who is left without a husband may deviate from the
straight path and follow the ways of promiscuity, so she may fall into the
swamp of adultery and prostitution – may Allaah keep us safe and sound –
which leads to the spread of immorality and the emergence of fatal diseases
such as AIDS and other contagious diseases for which there is no cure. It
also leads to family breakdown and the birth of children whose identity is
unknown, and who do not know who their fathers are.Those children do not find anyone to show compassion towards
them or any mature man to raise them properly. When they go out into the
world and find out the truth, that they are illegitimate, that is reflected
in their behaviour, and they become exposed to deviance and going astray.
They may even bear grudges against society, and who knows? They may become
the means of their country’s destruction, leaders of deviant gangs, as is
the case in many nations in the world.3 – Men are exposed to incidents that may end their lives,
for they work in dangerous professions. They are the soldiers who fight in
battle, and more men may die than women. This is one of the things that
raise the percentage of husbandless women, and the only solution to this
problem is plural marriage.4 – There are some men who may have strong physical desires,
for whom one wife is not enough. If the door is closed to such a man and he
is told, you are not allowed more than one wife, this will cause great
hardship to him, and his desire may find outlets in forbidden ways.In addition to that, a woman menstruates each month, and when
she gives birth, she bleeds for forty days (this post-partum bleeding is
called nifaas in Arabic), at which time a man cannot have intercourse with
his wife, because intercourse at the time of menstruation or nifaas is
forbidden, and the harm that it causes has been proven medically. So plural
marriage is permitted when one is able to be fair and just.5 – Plural marriage does not exist only in the Islamic
religion, rather it was known among the previous nations. Some of the
Prophets were married to more than one woman. The Prophet of Allaah
Sulaymaan (Solomon) had ninety wives. At the time of the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), there were some men who became Muslims
who had eight or five wives. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) told them to keep four wives and to divorce the rest.6 – A wife may be barren, or she may not meet her husband’s
needs, or he may be unable to have intercourse with her because she is sick.
A husband may long to have children, which is a legitimate desire, and he
may want to have a sex life within marriage, which is something permissible,
and the only way is to marry another wife. It is only fair for the wife to
agree to remain his wife and to allow him to marry another.7 – A woman may be one of the man’s relatives and have no one
to look after her, and she is unmarried or a widow whose husband has died,
and the man may think that the best thing to do for her is to include her in
his household as a wife along with his first wife, so that he will both keep
her chaste and spend on her. This is better for her than leaving her alone
and being content only to spend on her.8 – There are other shar’i interests that call for plural
marriages, such as strengthening the bonds between families, or
strengthening the bonds between a leader and some of his people or group,
and he may think that one of the ways of achieving this aim is to become
related to them through marriage, even if that is through plural marriage.Objection:
Some people may object and say that plural marriage means
having co-wives in one house, and that the disputes and enmity that may
arise between co-wives will have an effect on the husband, children and
others, and this is harmful and should be avoided, and the only way to
prevent that is to ban plural marriage.Response to the objection:
The response to that is that family arguments may occur even
when there is only one wife, and they may not even happen when there is more
than one wife, as we see in real life. Even if we assume that there may be
more arguments than in a marriage to one wife, even if we accept that they
may be harmful and bad, the harm is outweighed by the many good things in a
plural marriage. Life is not entirely bad or entirely good, but what
everyone hopes is that the good will outweigh the bad, and this principle is
what applies in the permission for plural marriage.Moreover, each wife has the right to her own, separate
accommodation as prescribed in Islam. It is not permissible for the husband
to force his wives to live together in one house.Another objection:
If we allow men to have plural wives, why are women not
allowed to have multiple husbands, why does a woman not have the right to
marry more than one man?Response to this objection:
There is no point in giving a woman the right to marry
multiple husbands, rather that is beneath her dignity and she would not know
the lineage of her children, because she is the one who bears the offspring,
and it is not permissible for the offspring to be formed from the sperm of a
number of men lest the lineage of the child be lost and no one will know who
is responsible for bringing up the child; this will lead to breakdown of
families, loss of ties between fathers and children, which is not permitted
in Islam as it is not in the interests of the woman or of the child or of
society as a whole.Al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar’ah, part 6, p. 290
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